Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
