You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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