My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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