I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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