She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
