Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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