i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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