And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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