you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
