So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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