he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You pole danced in your parka.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
