Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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