all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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