how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
