Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
