I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
