your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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