Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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