we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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