We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
