I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
