God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
