You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
