idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
