Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
