You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
