someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
