I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
All I want is dick and wine.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
