Jerry, you need to find god
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
