Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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