when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Buhtt sex?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
