I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
