flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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