how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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