my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We need a shit load of segways right now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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