so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think my moral compass just broke
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
