Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
