Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
