I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
