My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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