No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize