Where are you?
In a non slutty way
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
