peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I sprained my soul last night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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