there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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