and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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