I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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