She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
