No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
