Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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