So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
