After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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