everyone is single if you try hard enough
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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