the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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