I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
