after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
