i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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