..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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