P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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