i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize