covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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