I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
