it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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