I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
