rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
