My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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