Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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