so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
