i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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