Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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