so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
