Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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