i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
