i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
