Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
